human

    I really am human.  Some of my friends and family joke about how I am Betty Crocker and or Martha Stewart and I seem to do it all.  Most of the time I do well at my little juggling routine.  I manage to work full time, care for my family, cook, clean, read and find time to craft.  But I do have those days where I feel like every ball is falling and hitting me in the head on the way down.  I get to feeling blue when I think about all the negative things going on that I see daily- teens in crisis, kids that are abused or neglected, families that do not have enough to eat.  I know I cannot cure the world but some days I do wish I had that magic wand.  I am learning to prioritize, live in the moment and savor the little things.  However I have those moments I am not proud of myself, I do get impatient (way more than I would like to admit), I yell, I say things to my husband I do not mean and I have the occasional breakdown on the way to work and cry.  Seriously I sometimes feel so overwhelmed and I also feel like I have so much to be grateful for that I should just bite my tongue and keep plodding along but I still feel the need to complain or act ungrateful.  I need grace that is the truth.  I need time to be quiet and think, time to exercise and get out my aggression and rethink my emotions.  Some days I truly walk down our stairs praying and telling God that I intend to do better today and 20 minutes later I am not doing so well.  I am sure I am not the only one that feels this way and it is hard for me to admit that I struggle- that is the perfectionist in me but it is true.  I am human and I do struggle.  So today is a new day and I am praying for grace and patience and a spirit of love toward my kids, husband, coworkers, patients and strangers I may meet.